As a Mother, I threw up my hands, and God heard me and answered.

We are drawing very close to our moving day. Our movers will be here at the end of this week and we will be flying out of Calgary to Houston next Wednesday, February 10th. My throat is tight and thick, not so much from the coughing but from the idea of our upcoming goodbyes. I am generally a compassionate person, but not an emotional one. For some reason the past couple of weeks, I am just plagued with emotions. I mentioned two posts ago about how I need to process by letting go, and also I mentioned about how I would miss my sweet friends. All of this continues to tighten in my throat. The one thing that I have not mentioned is how this will be affecting my Ben.
Ever since my boy was born, I have had a hard time understanding him. To be honest, he, for the first 3 years of his life was an extreme challenge. Many times I prayed over him, and asked the Lord to help me mold him into a kind, loving and wise young man. My frustrations laid in the fact that I knew what a bright child that Ben was. He had so many talents but his impulsiveness and behavior really made it hard for others to see. If you read posts from 2007-2008 you will see that I documented some really hard days. So, like I said, I threw up my hands and gave this away because when Ben was around 3 and a half, I realized I had been blaming myself for his behaviors. It dawned on me that it was not my fault, and it was not exactly me causing causing the bad behaviors, it was how God had made him, perfect in his own image, and it was only my job to try to learn to understand him. It was not my job to change him but to mold him. At this point, I sort of let go of it in a way.
Randomly, in late 2008 the Lord decided to send us here to Calgary. I am now realizing that one great reason for God plucking us up out of Louisiana is because of my prayers for my son Ben. We ended up at Calgary Christian School this year as Ben started his first year of kindergarten. It was like God thought to himself, I have the perfect setting in mind for you with the exact right personalities of teachers that you will respond to. Only, it is not here, it is in Canada. There is something really special about the fact that Ben was put in a class with these two particular wonderful ladies teaching him. They were able to give him just enough one on one time to give him a little boost with his behavior and also in his learning. Just loving, gentle nudges, that is all that it took.

With children we know that development is all about timing and crucial stages in a child's life. God's timing here was absolutely perfect. Ben has really grown as a young man in his behaviour and his love to learn and go to school. His teachers keep telling me that he was such a good boy and that it was not hard for them, but sometimes just a little bit of the right thing at the exact right time in a child's life is life-changing. Ben's last day of school at CCS is on Wednesday. Ben is sad to leave his teachers and his class, but he is also excited about moving to Texas so we can be closer to our families who he misses very much.

Tomorrow I am bringing red, white and blue cupcakes to Ben's school. We have made his class red, white and blue beaded necklaces, and Ben has written two very special letters to his two teachers....

Mrs. Degelder,

You are the best!

You make me happy!

I liked it when you helped me.

Thank you for helping me learn how to write letters and read better.

I will remember you when I am gone.

I love you so much,

Love,

Ben

Mrs. Bouwman,

I like it when you read to me and the whole class.

You make me happy.

I think you are very nice and pretty.

I really like the song you taught us in class about the planets.

I think you are a fun teacher.

I am so glad I got to be in your class!

And you know, I'll always love blue;

And also, I love you!

Love,

Ben Brown

To be honest, I am not sure that I am not giving all of these letters and necklaces and cupcakes for my own closure. Ben does not understand fully what God did for him and how he was blessed. I wanted to document this so that one day when we are looking at our scrapbooks, I can tell Ben how I threw up my hands to God, he heard me...and that God thinks he is so special and wanted to do this for him. Ben is now all caught up in school. His teachers and class love him. They really brought out the best in Ben and everyone was also able to enjoy his fabulous little funny personality.

I'll have to remember this as he gets to the teenage years..and if I am hitting a brick wall with him..I need to remember to listen to where or who God might be calling us to...who knows it could be in a different country.:)

Okay, after writing all of this, the lump in my throat has returned!

Ephesians 3:20
"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory, in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."



CB