Monday, March 30, 2009

Pity Party!

Okay, today I am having a pity party for myself! Please don't think I have dropped into the depths of despair, because that is not the case, but I am just having a bit of a reflective down type of day. As you know, since the end of 2004 when Ben was born, we have lived in three different states and one different country. I am a pretty positive person and I rarely ever complain or let things get me down...but I think maybe I am just tired! I think the fact that my parents were here for a visit and have now gone may have something to do with it. When they left for some reason it hit me, "hey, I am in the middle of nowhere and totally disconnected from everyone that knows me, and no one can even drive to see me or me them!" I am always wondering what lesson God is giving me by sending me to these places...and I learn and take things from every place...but there is always a period of trying to "break through" to have relationships and also to break through within the church community that I am in. Every place we have been, I have had to establish new friends and it has been good. Usually at this point, about 3 months, the ball is starting to roll. I have been so blessed here by a few great friends. Erin and Nicola have been great because they understand and are Americans, and a couple of Canadians have really reached out to me...Brandi, and a girl in our small group, Aisling. I have nothing to complain about, I have been out for girls' nights and I have had friends to call up when things seem overbearing...that has been such a huge blessing, because without this, I think I would have folded in being overwhelmed!! Needless to say, I am not really feeling a "friend" void...I think it is more of an "involvement" void. The church that I attend here is an amazing one! I really like it, and people are so friendly, but it is hard to break through into relationship circles when these people have lived here all of their lives. Also, there are some cultural differences, so it is taking me longer to understand just how things are done. I am not used to being part of church from the sidelines, I am used to being a "doer" and being in the middle of too many things. In the U.S. it seems like I could "push" myself into these circles by helping serve and genuinely making it clear that I wanted to get to know the different ladies. Here it is a bit harder, because I am having to learn to listen more. Maybe people don't want someone pushing their way in. This is a good lesson for me. It is harder here, this is a harder egg to crack. Maybe I am just tired of the continual energy of having to start over and break in. I talk to my friends in the states and I know that some of them even struggle with this in churches they have been in for the past 10 years. I think I know what God is teaching me...maybe when I am finally at a church that feels like home, and I am coasting and involved...I need to pull the ones on the outside in. That is how we make our churches grow! I'll have to adopt a little young family who has small kids and no family and make them feel at home. That must be what God is teaching me. Also, I think the weather is a little depressing here! I am really looking forward to summer and flip flop weather, which I hear last for a couple of months!! Thank you so much sweet friends here that have embraced me and helped me settle. Thank you also my precious friends from the U.S. who I call and are a constant fountain of encouragement to me. For some reason, I just needed to share, I am sure that by tonight or tomorrow I will be getting over myself!! I need to count my blessings and close the pity party! Thanks for tuning in!!
CB

8 comments:

  1. i wanna join! i like temporary pity parties :)

    but seriously, don't feel like because you are going through struggles and then voice those struggles that you are ungrateful for what you have...life can be stinkin hard sometimes and we need to be able to support each other...in good times AND bad. so long story short, i appreciate your honesty and willingness to be authentic. truly. you are awesome :)

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  2. Well, honestly Carrie, it is about time you had these feelings! you have voyaged all these major life changes with hardly a down day. You are a strong woman, much stronger than me and have provided encouragement to so many that you have come in contact with. You teach me to be a "doer", not a "wait and see if they come to me'er". That is a great personality trait. I think no matter where you are, with young kids at home and after parents leave, you feel that but I would imagine especially in another country it is even stronger. But you are good to be looking to see what God is teaching you through it all. Don't feel bad about feeling bad, girl! You are always a great encouragement to me and a great listener to all of my light and momentary struggles. Let God pull you closer to him and teach you to rely on Him alone during these times. I know I need to do more of that! Love ya!
    - ROchelle

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  3. Of course you are tired, girl! As hard as moving is, as hard as moving to another country/culture/climate must be, I'll have to agree that breaking into the "inner-church" rings is probably even harder. That's one of the things we're trying to do differently here, trying to keep from forming. And I have to tell you -- I think that I've had an easier time with this transition in part because of watching you make yours in Mandeville.

    You are such an encouragement to so many, Carrie -- even in the midst of you pity party! :) Hang in there!

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  4. Hello friend! I am, we are truly blessed to have you (and Earle, Ben & Collin) here in Calgary and I am so glad we have become friends. I know our friendship will grow during your time here and will continue even after you head back home.

    I know what it's like to be the new kid in town, having to make friends all over again, so I can relate. But you are doing amazingly. You won't be able to count all the new friends you have in a few months time.

    I'm looking forward to all the fun times ahead. Let's plan a night when we leave the little boys at home with the big boys and we go do something, just us girls. I haven't done that in ages, so I'm due! :-)

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  5. I think you still managed to put your positive 'Carrie' spin on this - truly admirable. Hang in there - you've been a great blessing to me!

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  6. Carrie, I was just thinking about you the other day and how brave you are to move so far away with just your family and your faith. That takes a lot of guts -- and a lot of heart. You are such an encouragement to so many, and you'll find your niche. I know you'll make a difference whatever you do. Blessings to you today!

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  7. Carrie, I'll echo all the comments here -- I imagine being SO far from home this time really makes a difference. Thank you for sharing your struggle and allowing us to see inside your heart. All of our struggles develop character in us, and He is sovereign over all -- you are wise to look for His hand. Love you.

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  8. I just read this post--I've been out of the country, as you know. I'm so sorry that you were feeling down, but certainly it is to be expected every now and then. You have done so many times what I had to do once (move) and it is so hard to start over! However, I think because of this you are now gifted in such a special way to encourage others who experience this. I know your words and example have been a huge encouragement to me. I miss you and I hope you are feeling better now. I hope Spring comes soon for you!! Love you, Whitney

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