He Gave Me a Song--Part I

 A couple of days ago I had gotten out the old hymnal to look at some hymns that were some of my grandmother's favorite. I came across "He Gave Me a Song". I remember singing it when I lived in Denver and went to church there where my grandparents attended. With the song's rather exciting bass lead and "peppy" women's two-part back up vocals, how can a person help but get the song stuck into their head, merely by seeing the title on the page. Man, I hate it when sheet music sings at me without my permission and ends up playing like a broken record in my head for a day or two! However, it planted some processing seeds and I'm feeling entitled to share the thoughts it evoked. It dawned on me that I really have not shared much about "Music Carrie". Why I am not sure. I am working on expressing some of my emotions more in my writing and I guess the journey for me was somewhat of an emotional one and closer to my heart than I thought. It is definately an area in which at times in my life it has left me feeling very exposed and vunerable so maybe that is why the topic seems to be more of a guarded one.

Some of you knew me back in a different day, maybe it was in high school when I was totally into my high school choir in every way. I was the epitome of the choir dork. While I say this in a joking light, I truly wanted to sing all of the time and I am pretty sure I drove some people nuts while doing so. I try not to let as many people know the side of me that was once the over eager singing girl. Not quite as bad as Rachel on Glee, but thank goodness we did not have You Tube!  My girlfriend, Kelley and I would sit in our bedrooms with our portable cassette players and our latest background vocal cassette tapes and we would sing with all of our might just to keep our repertoire updated and practiced for the next singing event. Anything from Les Miserables to Anne Murray would be on the list and we would trade off and constructively critique each other's performances.  I was also a member of what I thought at the time was the most skilled choir around, because unlike the other choirs, not only did we have musical knowledge, but we had passionate hearts behind the music we made. Yes, as cliche' as these sentiments sound I did realize in high school, just like every other music dork out there that I wanted to major in music, not just so that I could sing but to influence and teach other's how to share God's love through the power of music. Wait, did I just say that? I think that somewhere in the adolescent fog of egocentricity  I may have heard God's voice whispering thinking that it was my own. Huh.
I will say that it was when I was in ninth grade that I first performed at our church at a "Young at Heart" banquet. Chuckle while you will, but my friend Kelley had shared with all of the willing singers in our youth group her background vocal tapes so that we could do a good deed by singing for the elderly people at our church. Hopefully the elderly guests hearing senses were not great because Kelley was the only one that sounded decent. My parents were kind of surprised that I got up there and sang the song, "Daydream Believer" redone by Anne Murray. I think that they were pretty speechless actually. Then my father spoke and said, "If you really enjoy this and think you might like to do it again, well, maybe you should consider taking some singing lessons before the next time."
My dad has never been one to beat around the bush about things. To his surprise I was so excited and could not wait to get started with the lessons.  The point that I am trying to make here is that for some people their talents in certain areas come very easily and naturally. I had to work very hard to find my voice. My almost faulted over analyzing skills came into play very effectively over the next few years because I had to learn how to hear pitch the way it was supposed to be heard, and to breathe correctly which took many, many years to finally "get". It also took lots of time for me to understand the function of vocal chords, the mouth and positioning them in such ways in order to produce appropriate and ear pleasing sounds. Then as not to psych myself out while focusing on all of those things, trying not to forget to put my heart back into what I was singing. I had a passion for the music, but I lacked the confidence in the performing of it, and I was working on the developing skills. One of the most important things that I learned during this time was that it only takes one or two people encouraging you and believing in you for you to start believing that you can do something, especially if that person is someone who you admire. My friend Kelley, well, in my eyes she truly was the "Rachel from Glee" with a beautiful voice. I heard her perform "The Greatest Love of All" when we were in the 6th grade and I thought that she was the best thing since sliced bread. The fact that she did not treat me like I was beneath her was a great lesson. What a great lesson that was in helping me to understand that exalting others instead of yourself was so important, and a great example to me for many years to come. Sometimes it takes people a long time to understand that competition within a friendship will destroy it and that a quiet confidence in yourself can be used to let others see the beauty in themselves. I'm sure she has no idea I have thought all of that, but hey, thanks Kelley.
 So as I was typing this post I remembered that I had a box of old cassette tapes around somewhere and I went to find it. Laying in the box as chance would have it, was a recording from the "Young at Heart Banquet Spaghetti Supper" the summer after my freshman year of high school. This was the second one, so lessons had been had and I was more excited by the minute about singing. I had to share for pure nostalgia purposes. Great memories, what a fun time! If you so choose you can click on these two songs for your humorous listening pleasure.
One Moment in Time ...performed by Kelley and I   Somewhere Over the Rainbow...performed by me


Stay tuned for "He Gave Me a Song" Part II.
Let's just say this story is a journey of faith and how I came to understand some of what defines me as me.
CB