Vividity

My eyes popped open and there I was in my bedroom. I was breathing fast. It was around 4:30am. My heart was racing and my stomach felt like it was in my throat. I was still in a state of panic as I tried to calm myself down trying to convince myself that everything was fine now and it was just a dream. It would have been different if I had known I was dreaming, as I usually do. I walked up the stairs to check on him. He was fine, sleeping peacefully in his bed.

I went back to my bed and tried to process through what had just seemed so real.

It had been a pleasant day in my dream. Earle and I and both boys were on a walk in our subdivision. We have walking trails and ponds that we frequently walk by. It had been a mild sunny morning with a slight breeze outside. I could smell the clean but slightly thick air. We stopped as we often do to look out over the ponds at the ducks and the alligators who like to sun themselves on the banks of the ponds or entertain the passers by simply by just being visible. There are just a few small gators and they keep their distance. Sometimes they will grin just for kicks. The boys and I were merely observing as we walked.

Then just like it happens in dreams the scenery changed a bit. Instead of being on walking trails we were up on narrow wooden pathways, sort of like a small bridge for pedestrians to observe the nature below. We continued to walk and watch.

There was an alligator up on the shore that the people on the ground were carefully spectating. From the bridge that we were standing on we could see down into the water. We were about thirty feet above the water. The water was so clear that I could see two other alligators swimming together near the bottom of the pond.
I took a quick glance around my surroundings and I realized that there were some areas on this narrow little bridge in which the sides were gone and their were no rails. I got nervous and Earle and I grabbed onto the boys hands tightly. I was more worried about making sure that Ben did not let go of us because he can be a bit impulsive. Collin is generally much more careful and more scared of things than Ben is, so I assumed he would cling tightly to us.

We had been up there awhile and Ben and Earle had wondered off to another area of this viewing bridge. The bridge turned into a more complex structure.
I now noticed that there were corners and turns in this bridge. It was almost a maze-like structure. All of a sudden Collin let go of my hand and started running as fast as he could. I was trying to get hold of him. I could see a part of the bridge where the sides were gone that he was quickly approaching. He turned and looked at me with the look of playful rebellion. And then in a flash, he jumped off the side of the bridge.
I had almost gotten to him in time but was about a step short. I hesitated. And for some reason my eyes would not let me look over to see him. I listened to hear a splash..I heard nothing. A split second later I heard only a groan. I tried screaming out to Earle to tell him I was going in and we needed help but no sound would come out of my mouth. Alright then. I am going to look down, see where he is and jump straight to him. I stepped up to the edge of the bridge to see where he was, but like I said, my eyes wouldn't let me see...

So there I was laying in my bedroom again, still a bit traumatized.
Why did I hesitate? Could I have rescued him? What was the outcome...I needed to go back into the dream to make it okay. I needed to know that I got to him and pulled him out of that water. I needed to make sure the alligators did not get him.

I spent a good hour just trying to get over this.

I finally decided to get out of the bed around 6:00am.
I went into our living room and looked at my e-mail and checked facebook. Around 6:15am I heard the sound of little footsteps coming down the stairs.
Collin was walking toward me in his sleepy stupor. He had two toys clutched in his little hands. He climbed up into my lap and just sat there for a couple of minutes in silence trying to wake up. I was holding him close and kissing his little tousled head. He looked up with at me with his big blue eyes and said, "They didn't get me Mommy, they didn't get me."

Talk about freaking me out a little!! I then tried to probe him to see what he meant by that, but I just got a chain of "I don't knows". And that was it, he was awake and now entranced in watching an episode of Blues Clues.
Earle came in a few minutes later all dressed and ready for work. He asked me why I was awake so early and why Collin was up. I told him that Collin just woke up and that I had woken up because of a dream.

And that's it. Exactly how it happened.

CB